Update and March 2011. results

-132 pips

My trading is bad, really bad, market is difficult and I never remember so much bad results without positive days. Big percentage drop is because there is low amount of money in account and I don't want to trade with too small positions because it then wouldn't be realistic for me. After bad day at 14th I didn't want to blog about it. It's sometimes too difficult because there is nothing that I can say in my defense or to explain. There is feeling about being accountable in front of blogosphere and sometimes it's simply embarrassing to be open and show it all.

Yesterday my first idea was valid, I was long into a breakout. It turned fake one and stop was ok price to pay for that opportunity. Trades after that one were me being stubborn and pressing that long side without much of an reason.
Later I caught nice trade in eur/usd, I just noticed the potential, executed and stop held and trade was nice winner. After I wanted to reverse but was afraid to do so. When it became obvious that I missed I wanted to go short again (usual thing when I miss, go in other direction to not miss again). Even that would be ok if I just used first opportunity where I got stopped with 2 pips. No, I started tilting and lost all that I previously won on that nice short trade.
-17 full size pips

Market was at least moving which is rare lately. I had trades on every turning point in right direction. Didn't capitalize on that. It's difference with trading not to lose (which is obviously where I am) and trading to win. +1 full size pip

Here on seventeenth I had experiment I wanted to see can I follow rules to the letter if I want to. Rules were sequence of ten trades, +6 pips or -6 pips, no managing trade after entry, pause of at least three minutes between trades. I didn't broke any rules. It was really different then usual trading. Got a bit stubborn in the middle. Seven negative and three positive trades gives net of four negative trades for -26 half size pips or -13 full size.

This gambling was so bad that I couldn't publish it when it happened, it was too embarrassing. I stayed up most of the night starring at the chart. First part was bad but it was profitable and I continued. I could have easily lost all that I had in account. Market came back some fifty pips back from worst point. I just couldn't close it. Pure gambling and emotions in worst possible sense. One of top 5 low points in my trading experience.
-45 full size pips

-37 pips

Interesting day. First one idea in eur/usd in which I risked a little and it just didn't work as I thought. Never mind -3 full size pips. BUT after it I started fighting market for no reason other than my first trade was losing one also going long and market was now falling down. So I lost -13 full size pips more for acting stupid. Being contrarian and fighting trend. That is problem for me executing ideas that are not momentum related, who knows what impact will their outcome have on me for my further trading.
So now pretty much emotionally destabilized I switch to eur/jpy because there things are flying, so I will cover my losses more quick. Off course I stay in contrarian mode and fight against meltdown.

In no time, exactly 9 minutes I lost -48 full size pips. !!!!
I switched to full size, when losses started to get big. It looks like that's for me better, when I'm in half size I let those losers go deeper against me. At full size I cut it more quickly.

Somewhere in that battle I figured I need to follow market and not go against be it long or short. Very nice to realize that when I'm more then sixty pips in red. From that point I enjoyed trading. I was picking tops and bottoms, really immersed in it. I made terrible mistake of cutting myself out of the trade that could became big win. I entered expecting turn, it happened, I was patient for ten minutes, then I exit it minute before move continued. Situations like that bring exactly what followed and that is I wanted to make another trade but now in opposite direction. I was impatient, didn't wait for right situation, so I don't miss again. So two longs followed that were stopped and I was back at beginning. I couldn't enter at the spike turn because I had problems with the platform. In the end that last trade, I cut it too soon also but I don't mind it. I had to go and wanted to lower my loss for a day.

What can I say at the end. I wish that I'm better trader so I turn opportunities in successes. I'm sad that I traded so badly at the start fighting trend, I don't have excuse for that. First two trades in eur/jpy are criminal. I don't know why I'm doing things like that still, will I do it for a whole life? I must say that I really enjoyed experience even if it was costly for me. Milking moves in right direction felt really, really good. I guess that's the main reason why I still trade, that feeling when you are rewarded for doing something good.

+1 pip Scratch

Attempt at testing low or breaking it in generally tight range day.

-25 pips My own trading pitfall

I'm giving advices to De'Trader about his trading and then I get my trading pitfall minutes later. Isn't that cute.

First scalps are just that. Nothing much to say.
Later marked with A stop was hit by surprise spike. Nothing problematic. But I entered seconds later in opposite direction and get whipsawed. I'm not even realizing what is happening to me. I'm trading, moving stops, getting stopped, trading again, riding two positions against me. Finally I close them late, obviously I had bigger stop then -6 pips. Result is hole of -46 half size pips for a day.

Now I remember situations like that from the past and that I will now go into recovery mode that could lead me in bigger hole. I'm thinking about that and how it would be probably best to just walk away. But I fail to do it.

Marked with C is my recovery trading that got me additional loss of-24 half size pips. In the end from low of -70 I closed last trade at -49 half size pips for a day.
Interesting situation is marked with B where I want all my loss to be erased so I don't take what's on the table.
I don't even know can I save myself from instinctive trading when spikes occurs. When volatility changes like that I'm in without much thinking. Few losses and bam I'm down too much for my plan.
When I'm down "too much" recovery mode kicks in. Then depending on market I recover some or loss more, big again. When market is ugly like today deeper hole is biggest probability.

Funny thing is that I'm not so emotional about it at all like before, because I went through it many times. Maybe that's good sign.
So what can I do but document it here. I should know better by now but it looks like I don't.

+10 pips Silly me

Silly me for shorting uptrend at first when it broke high and then not taking scalp profit. Looking for some epic reversal. All trades with half size +20 half size pips.

-7 pips

I don't like how I was feeling trading with two positions. It's worse then how it look on the chart. When I add second trade, average, if it didn't work I didn't want to get out where I should. I just didn't. When I'm trading with one position nothing can save me so I get out, that's why I didn't have funds on account for more trades. Now I moved some funds back from subaccount and it don't feel right. Marked with yellow is ride that's stupid. To let profitable second entry which was at +6 to go all the way back and make loss of -6. Last trade in gbp/usd, that addition could only make problems, so again no point in adding.
In eur/usd I also didn't have plan what to do, where will I exit combined position.
So two positions only make things worse today. Especially scary is that feeling when I should go out, want to go out, but say no it's big, stay more. That can make damage.
-14 half size pips